We're finally here...

We're one day away from Calina's craniosynostosis surgery, finally. As much as we've been dreading getting to this point, it's nice to know that we'll be "on the other side" in less than 24 hours.

Colin and I will have our phones with us throughout the whole process, and I should be able to post updates and photos here while we're at the hospital. I know how bad I've been about this stuff in the past, but I have to say that were it not for other people who had done the same thing (posting stories and photos), I would be a lot more worried and clueless about what to expect. I want to be able to help other parents who are going through the same thing we have, so they can have the same luxury.

I think gramma said it perfectly today: It's just so sad that Calina is finally starting to really engage with the world around her... and we're going to take away how good that feels. She will be very upset going into surgery without mom & dad, having been STARVED for hours (her last meal has to be 5 hours before her surgery!), and then waking up without any familiar faces. If there were one thing I could change about the process, it would be that: let me stay with her until she's unconscious, and then let me be there when she wakes up. I've asked already, and have already been told "no", but I'm going to keep asking. :)

I know Colin & gramma have been worried about the big picture: whether she'll come out OK. With all my research and reading about people who have gone through this, I am not so concerned with how she's going to fare over time... in a week, or a month, or a year down the road, I know she'll be just fine. What I'm most worried about is causing her such discomfort and fear in such large doses, and not being able to do anything about it. She's going to hate getting her hair washed for 10 minutes straight tonight (and tomorrow morning, and right before surgery...) hate having things attached to her, hate lying down on her back by herself (and have no one there who knows what's wrong when she cries about it), she'll hate having bandages on her head, hate feeling queasy from the pain meds, hate not being able to open her eyes to see us when she's swelling up... And next week, she'll hate getting scanned for her helmet again, hate wearing the little knit hat around her neck... The following week, she'll hate the feeling of her helmet on her head, hate how she can't get comfortable to sleep, hate how hot she gets with it on.

I know it's just little things, but I can anticipate them all, and... how much stress is all that for a tiny baby who's been so comfortable and happy her whole life??

Anyway.

I will try my best to keep everyone updated as we go along. We'll be arriving at the hospital at 7am, and surgery is scheduled for 9am. Hopefully, we'll get to see her by noon.