I have always had a hard time following through on things that I aspire to. Things I know are within my facilities, but either by my own laziness or because of circumstances I create for myself, don't come to fruition. This article introduced me to the word orthopraxy, which basically means "right belief combined with right practice", with emphasis on the latter. I love this word because I really appreciate the concept: we concoct in our minds what we think would be the optimal lifestyle or way to exist, but how often can we really say we've attained our aspirations?
My pregnancy was nothing like I'd planned beforehand. I was going to do it "right". Eating perfectly, exercising, meditating, de-stressing, doing all the things I know in my head to be the best way to do things along the road to becoming a mother. I look back at that flash of time with some regret, but also self-forgiveness. We had a highly stressful time for the business during my pregnancy, and I was living in a sort of haze. My body felt broken. All the exercising I'd planned on went out the window. By the end, I couldn't even walk around the block because my pelvis hurt so badly!
But even feeling justified in my laziness, the incongruity between what I knew was best and what my actions were was clear; it just felt wrong. I just felt... guilty.
Guilt is so insidious that way. It sneaks up on you in what should be the most pleasant times of your life, because there's always SOMETHING you ought to be doing that you're not... Always some time that's wasted, always something different you could've made for dinner, always something you shouldn't have bought (or should have), always a different way you could have used your time today or yesterday or last week.
Maybe that's my greatest aspiration: learning to use my time wisely. Was the 40 minutes it took to write this using my time in the best way possible?
Other things I would feel so good about following through on:
- Keeping the TV off during the day until Jeopardy, trying to limit my use of electronics (especially around Calina)
- Drinking lots of water
- Eating intellectually, consciously
- Constantly encouraging Calina's development, caring for her emotional well-being and protecting her as much as I can from harm: toxicity, disease, fear
- Really living with a sense of eco-awareness, and taking steps to make my home and lifestyle more earth-friendly (this includes a LOT of things: cleaning consistantly, building a garden, composting, limiting car travel, reducing my consumption of harmful products, reusing and repurposing as much as I can, and so on...)
- Living thriftfully (is that a word?) - or at least with a sense of discernment between necessities and luxuries
- Loving Colin without smothering him, appreciating his hard work, expecting great things from him without judging him, giving him an opportunity to be the father he wants to be, and encouraging him as he works on his aspirations, too
I'm sure there's more... but it's hard enough to imagine myself being this person that I know I ought to be: believing in all of these things and acting upon them without faltering.
